“Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure. Consider also the devilish brilliance and beauty of many of its most remorseless tribes, as the dainty embellished shape of many species of sharks. Consider, once more, the universal cannibalism of the sea; all whose creatures prey upon each other, carrying on eternal war since the world began. Consider all this; and then turn to the green, gentle, and most docile earth; consider them both, the sea and the land; and do you not find a strange analogy to something in yourself? For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half-known life. God keep thee! Push not off from that isle, thou canst never return!” ― Herman Melville, Moby Dick
i am not grounded these days. i am in the process of re-ascertaining my bearings. it has felt as if i have been lost at sea for awhile, just pitching to and fro and reacting more that proacting. not at all much fun.
i know that somewhere amidst all this to and fro-ing i have become stronger and re-asserted my abilities to stay buoyant. i do not know what the hidden costs of this reassertion actually is.
i don’t have regrets- about staying or about leaving. i didn’t know it would feel so right and yet so tentative. finding trust in myself can seem so fleeting. maybe i’m not saying that right though because i do trust myself. i just can’t be certain that uncertainty is part of the journey.