Louis Armstrong….. Hold me close and hold me fast The magic spell you cast This is la vie en rose When you kiss me, heaven sighs And though I close my eyes I see la vie en rose When you press me to your heart I’m in a world apart A world where roses bloom *And when you speak, angels, sing from above Everyday words seem To turn into love songs Give your heart and soul to me And life will always be La vie en rose
a few things have tugged at my heart this season and filled it with a rush of color. i silently watched a man steeped in exhaustion meander through a vacant lot with his belongings slumped in a wire basket with a style that matched the hunch and slump of his physique. i was pushed back by the opaque and omnipresent trauma that had transformed him into a marionette. and i felt the strength and the tenderness of spirit in this human and i was changed.
i met a man who was unjustly imprisoned for 12 years who lives his life without resentment. i am so far behind this beautiful soul with regard to having capacity to forgive and move on. although i talk a big game, i remain lacking in that particular maturity of the soul. but as i listened as this remarkably resentment-ridden soul related his experiences i felt baptized once again in a holy water bath of hope and purpose. i am changed.
i have asked for help. i have always been one to calculate a situation and the possible outcomes with asking for a favor to help facilitate the outcome i prefer, but i have not been very skilled (or willing for that matter) at asking for help to achieve a goal. don’t get me wrong- i continue to waiver between self-judgment about this and relief that i don’t have to carry all the weight on my own. but i have asked for help. even stranger is that i have been told “yes” more often than i have not heard “yes”. when i can get to the place in my life that the outcome has no more meaning than the process to get there, i will begin to believe i am tasting success. asking for help has humbled me. and i hope it continues to do so.